Thanks to “S” for sending in this feature sheet, letting us know that this bungalow with no photos, a crap description other than “no survey available” (awesome), was on the market for sale at $895,000 and sold for $1,118,800.
People say we’re a world class city and that’s why real estate is so expensive here. That makes sense(?). So why don’t I compare this to another bungalow in a world class city? Wikipedia says New York, London, Tokyo, Paris, Hong Kong, and Chicago are the top 6 world class cities. Toronto ranks 14th, under Washington D.C.
Here’s a home in Chicago, actually it’s in Oak Park which is a wealthy suburb of Chicago. Just as this North York bungalow is in the suburbs. This Oak Park home features 4 bedrooms, 3.5 baths, and is described as an English Manor, it has 16 photos (as opposed to the one photo from North York). Designer kitchen, fireplace, excercise room, loft, etc… and it’s priced at $799,000.00 which is over $300,000.00 less than the North York bungalow that you’re going to pay to tear and down and rebuild over.
And I know this Chicago home is not a bungalow, but I honestly couldn’t find a comparable bungalow unless I dropped the price to under 400k. Aaaand that makes so much sense, that it hurts.
Also, important fact: Oak Park is where Home Alone was filmed.
2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse on the beach in Toronto. $879,000 plus $592.90 maintenance. And that’s just builder’s estimated maintenance. A brief example; I bought a pre-construction condo years ago and maintenance on our unit was to be something like $350 a month. Once it was built and registered and they found all the builder problems (and there will be problems), maintenance went up to $600 a month.
Anyway, you could own this townhouse on the beach in Toronto if you have $175k down, for $3,519 a month, plus maintenance and property taxes. So, that’s around $4,300.00 a month. And the land transfer tax is another almost 30k.
If you really want to live on the beach, here’s an actual house (not townhouse) in Laguna Beach, CA. Side note: if you haven’t been to Laguna Beach, I suggest you plan your next weekend trip there. Ah-ma-zing!
This home has ocean views, steps from the pacific ocean, and a greenbelt preserve in the back. It also has one more bedroom than the Toronto townhouse, it’s an actual house house, and obviously has no maintenance fees and is over $100,000.00 less than the townhouse.
No, you’re not buying that tree up there. Actually, I guess you are buying it, if you buy this property - but you’re probably going to pay 5k+ to kill the tree and have it removed before you pay another two million dollars to build your “dream home”.
This 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom “ranch style bungalow” on a deep lot is for sale for $2,189,000.00 dollars. Fine, it has a deep lot… totally worth it, whatever, no? yes? Fact: This deep lotted bungalow is in RICHMOND HILL. Not even Toronto! And it has no photos, other than the tree photo.
Here is a bungalow for 100k less, in Montecito, California (that’s where Oprah has her vacation home. If it’s good enough for Oprah, it’s good enough for you). Key things to take away from this? Well, the house is already built and in great condition, and is less than the bungalow that you’re going to have to tear down in Richmond Hill.
Thanks so much to Alexa for sending this Richmond Hill charmer in!
3 Bedroom, 2 bathroom bungalow in Etobicoke for $888,000.00. This one kills me, because it’s actually renovated, in good condition, there are pictures, a good description, etc…and something I would totally buy. But it just goes to show that unless a first time buyer has $266,000.00 down and $4,000.00 a month in mortgage and taxes, then they can’t buy this. And we know they can’t buy those tear downs in North York, and a lot of other places with listings at 600k for bungalows just get into bidding wars up to over 700k anyway that they can’t buy, so what are they buying?
And, if a first time buyer isn’t buying this small super cute bungalow - then who is? Do first time buyers have over 200k down?? are they spending 4k a month in mortgage costs?? Is that actually happening right now? So many questions!! Argh, this Monday is gonna suck - I can already feel it.
Imagine one week you wake up and go on MLS to find a house and see that there are numerous small cute homes for sale (sans bidding war) at like 400k or 500k in an area you liked?! It would be the best day.
3 Bedroom 3 bathroom nice semi detached home, not being sold for land. Most likely perfect for the first time buyer… if the first time buyer wants to buy a $1.1 million dollar semi, has $233,980.00 down and makes $18,000.00 a month.
That’s right… CMHC tells me you need to be grossing $18,000.00 a month and have a $230,000.00 down payment and hopefully no other debt than maybe one cheap car, in order to be approved for this first time buyer’s house. Your mortgage per month is a cool $5,260.00 plus property taxes, heating, and all your other expenses. And that’s at this sweet interest rate we’re at right now, don’t forget. OH, plus Toronto’s land transfer tax which is another $40,000.00.
Can you imagine growing up thinking “when I’m married with kids, and have a good job, I’m going to buy a million dollar semi detached house in the east end of the city and life will be so great and wonderful!!”.
Well, here’s another Frank Lloyd Wright house for over $100,000.00 less than a Toronto bungalow that doesn’t even have pictures.
Frank Lloyd Wright’s famous Brandes House built in 1952, architecturally friggin’ gorgeous. I can’t even describe how beautiful and perfect it is.
If my budget is $1.5 million dollars and I don’t want to move to Seattle and live in a Frank Lloyd Wright $1,580,000.00 house in perfect amazing condition…I could instead stay in Toronto and buy this “2 bedroom, 2 bathroom" bungalow being sold for land I guess, at $1,700,000.00 (as opposed to the Brandes House which is obviously already built, and I’d even venture so far as to say I can almost guarantee that it’s built better than what’s about to be built in place of this North York bungalow). The problem is though, my budget isn’t in the millions, but I was looking for a bungalow starter home… so, thanks a lot North York for making that so awesomely unachievable for first and second and probably third time buyers.
Developers, Home Hunters, Bidding War Enthusiasts; the Realtor says the North York bungalow is “close to the Xeros centre" (he means Xerox I think), and who knows why that’s a selling point. He also makes sure to write randomly in the listing "Buyer to Do Due Dillgence(sic)”. No comment.
An awesome reader sent me in this new link to the FLW property, showing that they have lowered the price to $1,450,000.00. So that makes the FLW house almost 300k less than the North York house now.
Here’s a chateau in France. 5 hectares of land (I don’t even know how big a hectare is), inclusive of 2 hectares of vines… it’s a vineyard!! Six bedrooms, five bathrooms, and a caretaker’s cottage. Tennis court, indoor pool, I could go on and on.
Or for $313,395.00 MORE, you can buy this 3 bedroom 2 bathroom bungalow in Willowdale which is near a “Famous school zone”.
“Honey, let’s have kids and move to an area that has a famous school zone. I really want my kids to learn somewhere famous. In Toronto. Yeah, the famous part of Toronto, where all the famous schools are. Let’s become house poor so we can do that" -Says the person who will buy this house in a bidding war.
2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo for basically a million dollars. That’s awesome. Building offers “alfresco dining”. I’m googling what that means… K, Google says it means eating outside. Sigh.
Maintenance is a mere $786.00 a month… what does that mean, you ask? It means you need $184,000.00 down payment, which brings your mortgage to a laughable $3,483.00 a month, plus your $786.00 a month maintenance and property taxes.
So, to own a 2 bedroom generic condo at current interest rates it’s going to cost you $4,369.00 a month. Oh and your land transfer tax is $30,000.00.
Whatever, at least you live on top of a Starbucks!!! You can probably befriend the Rosedale attic purchasers. In fact, I think this condo is closer to more Starbucks’ than the Rosedale attic. I’m counting hold on… wait for it… wait for it… nope, it’s close to 6 Starbucks’. You win this one, Rosedale.
So this one basically wrote itself, because I have no idea what to say. This is awesome though.
I think there’s also some kind of ocean animal in the pool in the Spain property, but the cost of shark/whale/dolphin removal is still probably less than the Toronto land transfer tax you have to pay on $1.9 million dollars.
The Thornhill house is $1,950,000.00 and the Lautner house is only $1,495,000.00 . So if I use my grade 1 math skills, that makes the totally amazing and beautiful Lautner house $455,000.00 less than that “you can’t even look in it” Thornhill house (yeah you read that right, almost half a million less).
Also, this may be one of my favourite listings soley because the main photo of the Thornhill bungalow is just a street sign. So awesome. SO AWESOME.
Well, today I found out that you can buy the Thomas H. Gale house, which is a home built by Frank Lloyd Wright in 1892, that’s obviously in perfect condition, just restored, friggin gorgeous, deemed an actual landmark, and on top of everything it’s in Oak Park which is the super fancy shmancy expensive area of Chicago. It’s for sale at $1,295,000.00.
Or…. whatever, I’m sure this not-in-a-fancy-shmancy-area-but-totally-near-earl-haig-…or-not North York 2 bathroom “large bungalow with finished basement" that includes no pictures, no information, and is $205,000.00 MORE than the Frank Lloyd Wright landmark house has a way better story that allows it to be presented as something so very valuable.
It was really hard for me to type “valuable” in the context of a North York bungalow without losing my shit just now.
So, basically the greatest thing just happened… THEY RAISED THE PRICE. Obviously $1,499,000.00 was much much much too low for a run down 2 bathroom bungalow. So now it’s priced at $1,650,000.00!! For someone who writes about these every day, this price raising gift is making me feel like it’s Christmas morning. best. thing. ever.
Here’s what you can get in one of the best area’s to live in Vancouver (On the beach!!) for $10,000.00 less. Actually I guess like $40,000.00 less after you remove Toronto’s land transfer tax (after calculating for Van’s land transfer tax as well).
This 2 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom bungalow at Bayview and Sheppard? (“Near Earl Haig”. I love all the North York listings now because they ALL say “Close to Earl Haig”. First of all, there are signs everywhere in that area saying kids are getting bussed elsewhere because there is no more room in Earl Haig. Secondly, not all these houses are actually even near Earl Haig.)
This 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom house with a pool in Beverly Hills? (Yes, the real Beverly Hills.)
If your answer was the house in Beverly Hills, then in a normal world I’d award you the half-man-half-amazing award of being right and awesome all at the same time. But guess what… you’re wrong.
The Beverly Hills home is actually almost $50,000.00 LESS than the North York house. Actually, the land transfer tax on that North York home is $42,000.00. So that makes this Beverly Hills house almost $100,000.00 less than the 1 bathroom, no photos, and no you can’t look inside of it north york bungalow.
So, here’s the top of a house for sale at almost a million dollars with maintenance fees at $650.00 a month. That’s awesome. Being sold as “A Slice of Paris”. So… because I have nothing better to do on a Saturday night (unless someone can hook me up with Leafs tickets…please…) I spent time and researched to see if that meant that people in Paris typically buy million dollar units being sold as condos that are really just the top floor of a house - but my results came up with nothing. I’m sure this Realtor is right though.
Other important things? It’s fully outfitted with pot lights, but more importantly AND THIS IS IMPORTANT SO PAY ATTENTION… the listing says the property is “Within walking distance of 10 Starbucks”. SOLD!
You really want to live in Rosedale that bad eh? This will be your life:
”Hey honey, which Starbucks do you wanna go to tonight? Our mortgage is paid for this month and interest rates didn’t rise yet so we have enough for two Americanos and maybe maybe even a flavour shot.”
"Good question dear, maybe we’ll go to Starbucks #3"
"Aw really? I was hoping we’d go to Starbucks #6, they have the nice washrooms."
"Oh sweetie, you’re so cute… how about let’s settle and go to Starbucks #5?"
"I love you shmoopy, I’m so glad we bought this attic so we can choose from so many Starbucks’"
"Aww I love you boopy, life is so great isn’t it? We live in such a great society where we can choose from so many Starbucks’"
"I know, I’m so in love with our lives. I mean, I’m sorry that we’re house poor and have to live in the roof of a house, but let’s go get some lattes and come home and sit under the pot lights"
"D’aww it’s not your fault that we’re house poor and we live in an attic. Come on let’s go to Starbucks #7, it’s a little bit closer than Starbucks #3 and Starbucks #5"
The photos above are of a $1,499,000.00 2 bathroom bungalow in North York, plus a $50,000.00 land transfer tax (because it’s Toronto they double the tax). It’s funny because that house is $250,000.00 more than this house in The Hollywood Hills, right near the Sunset Strip (hoping you know what that location means).
GAH! I wanted to post one this morning, a 2+2 bungalow for $1,195,000.00 where the listing just said “Crown moulding and over 100+ pot lights" THEY COUNTED THE POT LIGHTS!!!! But it’s gone now, I guess it sold. As it should. So we’ll settle for this one today:
2 Bedroom, 2 bathroom bungalow for the obviously fair price of $1,498,000.00 It’s in “Toronto’s most prestige(sic) location" though. Yonge and Sheppard is the new black. Comes with a stove, can’t go wrong.
Here is a house in Malibu, California (which actually is a prestigIOUS area). This house is on the corner of a cliff in Malibu, hanging over the pacific ocean. seriously. This house is $3000.00 less than the bungalow.
OMG seriously??? I don’t even know where this is. How dare they list this super tiny no photos house in Scarborough for over 800k?!
It’s “immaculate" though, as verified by all the amazing photos of the interior of the property. The listing states this is a “custom built home in a prime quite stree” (sic sic sic!), also comes with a new “electrical furnace" and a "Waster(sic) dryer”. No pot light count unfortunately, but I’m willing to bet it’s an obscene number.
Here’s a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house in The Beaches that’s in dire need of a ton of your money in renos, listed for $1,100,000.00. I make the assumption that this property is so expensive because it’s near the water. The water being Lake Ontario. Do I even have to find another cheaper comparable that’s ON THE OCEAN THAT HAS SUMMER 12 MONTHS A YEAR?
Here’s a mansion in Miami, on the water, pool, hot tubs, etc etc… It also comes with Summer all year round. And it’s less money. And because Florida real estate is screwed in the opposite way that Toronto real estate is screwed, you could probably even buy this Miami property for less than a million dollars, considering it’s been on the market for 180 days.
How much would you pay for a 3 bedroom townhouse in North York? If your answer was $799,000.00 then you’re an asshole. Sorry.
Of course not only are there no pictures in this listing, but there’s not even a picture of the outside of the actual townhouse. It’s just a picture of the building the townhouse is in. I mean, okay maybe that corner is the townhouse but the photo doesn’t tell me that. So rude, I love that the market is so stupid that they know they can sell an $800,000.00 townhouse and not have photos or barely a description.
This one is awesome because the maintenance is $623 a month! I love calculating this stuff, so the carrying costs after your minimum downpayment of $159,800.00 are $3,199.99 for your mortgage plus $623 for maintenance, plus probs $200 for property tax. So… this townhouse can be yours for $4,022.00 a month! Let’s not even talk about how the land transfer tax on this TOWNHOUSE is almost $25,000.00. So when I say your downpayment is minimum $159k, please add 25k to that basically.
You know if your carrying costs for a townhouse are $4000.00 a month and you have that $159k to put down… then I’ve calculated that the carrying costs of this townhouse are the same as the costs of buying an actual house that costs $940,000.00! So why spend so much on a townhouse if you can just buy a million dollar house? Although, stupid question because we all know what a million dollars buys you here.
1 bedroom, 1 bathroom downtown condo 870sq ft for half a million dollars. Plus $440.00 in maintenance. So like $2,600.00 a month to own this with 100k down. The listing says the size of the master bedroom is 32 ft x 39 ft. And I’m willing to bet you that might not be correct. My condo I’m in right now is 870 sq ft and our bedroom is 10x9… so, I can’t even imagine what’s going on in that unit.
Hopefully this is one of those listings that gets bought sight unseen (this actually happens), and the buyer loses his shit on moving day once he realizes his super extra king size Ferrari bed won’t fit in the room.
Unfortunately for us, this listing has been sold so I can’t link you to the MLS page with all the amazing photos, logical rationale on price, features, pot light counts, or how close it is to “shcool (sic)”.
But thanks to “S” for an amazing submission of the realtor sheet, I can show you that this North York 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom bungalow (which had no photos, and a crap description) was listed at $759,000.00, only stayed on the market for 8 days, before selling for $1,180,800.00 dollars. Basically $420,000.00 over asking. *facepalm*
This semi-detached 3 bedroom home is in Aurora Richmond Hill, and not near ANYTHING. I used to live right near here, it’s literally near nothing. There’s a Wimpy’s Diner about a 20 minute walk away. The average selling price for Semi’s in the area go for mid-400k, just to put things into perspective.
I guess someone has to pay for that ridiculous basement, and that lucky someone can be you. My favourite part of the listing is the “10 minutes to GO" (not true). And “Amenities nearby: Ski" Seriously??
Also it looks like the listing says they put a pond in their basement. I can’t even make this stuff up. You’re paying almost $700,000.00 which is almost $300,000.00 more than every other house in this area of the same caliber because the owners decided to put a pond in their basement and think that makes it worth it to you. It also has pot lights though. Oh, and a dead cow in the bedroom which TOTALLY fits in with the decor of this house.
Side note: I bought one of those dead cow carpets once because I was in a “I-just-read-Dwell-and-I-feel-like-this-is-a-good-idea” mood, and when we got it home our whole place literally just smelled like a cow, I’m not even exaggerating, it was great. AND it shed! So there was actual cow fur everywhere.
Ok last thing, because this listing is just too good I can’t stop… their basement looks like the inside of a Frankie Tomatoes Italian restaurant.
FML Trivia of the Day: which one of these is their basement and which one is the Frankie Tomatoes?
Here is a 1 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo for over half a million dollars. Plus the awesome maintenance fee of $706.00 a month. It has a “million dollar view” (no comment) and the best selling point that makes it worth the price is that it has “Direct access to Westin Harbour Castle Hotel”. So for the nights you need to stay in a hotel instead of sleeping in your over half a million dollar condo, well…you now have direct access.
So if you have the 25% down on this, which is $144,000.00… then not to fret, this awesome 1 bedroom condo will only cost you $2,171 a month plus $700 in maintenance, plus $100 bucks in property taxes (at least). So like $3,000.00 a month for this million dollar view one bedroom condo.
Here’s a 1 bedroom 2 bathroom townhouse for $604,900.00 PLUS $539.00 in maintenance. PLUS $39,900.00 for a parking spot. PLUS $4,500.00 for a locker (restrictions apply). What do you think the locker restrictions are???
The carrying costs for this TOTALLY A STEAL property, is minimum $151,000.00 downpayment to avoid CMHC fee. I know you as a first time buyer buying a ONE BEDROOM townhouse totally has $150k you’re just waiting to put down on this perfect home. So, let’s assume you put your $151k on this ONE BEDROOM TOWNHOUSE… and let’s assume you’re buying a parking spot, and if you’re lucky you can pass the restrictions and get an exclusive locker… your monthly mortgage is $2,493.11 at current interest rates. Oh, I forgot maintenance and property taxes… I bet you did too, which is why you thought this was totally worth it. After adding in the $539.55 in maintenance and probably around $200.00 in property taxes, this ONE BEDROOM townhouse (which comes with a microwave! Score!), can be yours for the low low price of $3232.66 per month. Until maintenance fees rise, until interest rates… and they will.
According to CMHC to buy this ONE BEDROOM TOWNHOUSE you need to be making a minimum annual income of $108,000.00 a year.
This 3 bedroom 3 bathroom old tiny North York backsplit seems like a logical purchase option for $1.8 Million dollars.
It’s interesting that people are advertising these to be worth it because they’re close to amazing schools. If you’ve driven in the area you’d see signs from City of Toronto that say that the schools are filled and your kid is probably getting bussed somewhere else.
Whatever, it has two fireplaces. And as the person who sent this in to me notes, it also comes with a garage door opener. Can’t beat that deal!
This HAS to be a joke. At least it’s affordable, I guess. I’m so immersed in the insane prices of this city, I can’t even comprehend what this house(?), (store? shed? what is it?) would actually list for in a normal city. Is $329k a lot for this? How sad that I don’t even know anymore.
Anyhoo, read the listing: "Very Spacious Home. Prime Location. Good For Starter Home And Investment. Close To Shcool, Ttc At Door, Parks, Library And East Chinatown. **** EXTRAS **** Elf, New High Eff. Gas Heating Unit, Hwt(R). SurveyAvailable!!!”
The irony is just too much for me to handle.
Thanks so much to CL for sending this listing in! (And everyone else who’s submitting listings, you’re all amazing. I’m trying to get through them all. Thank you!)
This 3 bedroom 1 bathroom garbage house is $600,000.00. And someone is going to buy it.
I was thinking last night, when did we as people in this city become so complacent and accepting of going into debt for at least 25 years, and becoming house poor on homes like these?
I remember the following:
a few years ago when bidding wars started happening in Leslieville. I remember going to open houses where pot lights were installed, new kitchens were put in, etc… and they’d get into bidding wars because of it.
a few years ago when other pockets of the city started raising their prices 100s of thousands of dollars over value and they still sold.
I remember when those over valued houses also started getting into bidding wars and sold over asking.
Recently agents stopped describing amazing features of the house, and started either not writing descriptions or just lying in their listings. And those houses still sold.
I remember when almost every pocket of the city started to become overvalued, and the other pockets that were already overvalued were becoming even more overvalued. And those houses still sold.
And now what I’m seeing is houses that need total renovations, that aren’t cleaned to even be shown, some can’t even be shown. Some that need inspections like you have no idea, but the second you put that condition in your offer, it just goes to the next highest bidder. And these houses still sell.
When did it become acceptable to list your property without even vacuuming the floor and taking a clean photo of it, because you know it’s going to sell anyway. When did it become acceptable to say “Yeah there is a hole in the roof , but I’m going to offer 100k over the 500k asking price!!”.
If you’ve just started looking and this is all your seeing, it’s sad. You may not know what it was like a few years ago. People had to actually “try” to sell their homes. Imagine!
Try looking in other cities for comparison, and you’ll see what a respectful listing is. Here’s some examples from Los Angeles. (I use L.A. because it’s the only city I know well enough that I can choose a house in a good vs bad area and provide you with comparable info. Otherwise I’d use a Canadian city):
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has written to me this week and last. Your stories have made me smile and feel sadness all at once, just like the listings I’m posting. I appreciate all your kind words as well as your accounts of what you’ve experienced/are experiencing.
I want to reply to every single one of you, but the amount of emails is overwhelming at this point, I had no idea the situation reached so many different people in so many different ways. I apologize if I can’t reply to all of you, but I’m trying. Just know that you’re far from alone on this - I’ve received hundreds of emails from people all with the same terrible story. Which I think makes this even that much worse. Maybe we need a Toronto Real Estate support group, with free* cookies and coffee. ;)
*free + 2.5% commission to the cookie provider who spells Oreo’s wrong.
To the Realtor from Century 21 who emailed me saying “You should stop complaining and get a job, all you want is a mansion in Forest Hill but people have to actually go to work for that”. You’re incorrect sir, what I want is this little 1+1 bungalow, and I do have a job, and so do most of my readers and they want the same thing - and we can’t even get this.
This bungalow also comes with “Full Basement Heights” in an “Area in Transition”. What’s a “Heights”? And is it transitioning into an area where once interest rates rise every single house on the street will be for sale? One can only hope.
3 bedroom, 2 bathroom semi detached house. So many pot lights in this house that it’s listed twice in the ad. Very important and informative, you really need to know that this probably-good-for-a-first-time-buyer semi detached house with a new coat of paint is worth the almost $800,000.00 because the pot light situation is probably pretty amazing.
Also says it includes all window coverings. Then also says it excludes drapes and rods. Who knows what you’ll get?! Maybe that’s the fun in these, just buy a random house for more money than you can afford, get ready to become house poor, and see what they left you in the home when you move in?
Reminds me of the time I bought my first car, we opted out of the more expensive model that had ABS, then we were driving in the snow one time and hit the brakes and the ABS came on!!! It was such a good day. So this is kind of like that.
A nice Sunday bungalow… for $700,000.00. Don’t fret, this 2 bedroom 2 bathroom tiny bungalow comes with “Egdo (Googled: Electric Garage Door Opener), and a Brass Fireplace Screen” How can you NOT buy it?!?! It also still has oil heating, and maybe if you’re lucky you can get the milkman to show up.
2 bedroom, 2 bathroom bungalow = $1,150,000.00!! And it looks like it’s not even being sold for land.
The listing states “Enjoy Hign Prestigious Area Surrounded By Restaurents”. What’s a Hign? I can’t knock this listing because I don’t know what a Hign is, maybe it’s a pure gold? Maybe it’s a unit of measurement for pot lights? I googled it and Google says it stands for “Hartford Institute for Geriatric Nursing”. Enjoy. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to go get breakfast at a restaurent (sic)…
I shouldn’t comment on people’s spelling, this blog is littered with typos since I write so quickly. But also, I’m NOT getting 2.5% commission on a million dollar property when I write each entry…
Three things: 1. Here’s a 3 bedroom TOWNHOUSE for the random price of $824,888.00. What can I even say anymore? Something something not worth it, something something who’s buying this, etc… 2. I love the artsy photo of the stairwell. That really sells me on the place, that’s totally what I’m looking for when I look for listings. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t bought yet “Ugh, why doesn’t any one have a dizzying photo looking down the stairwell! I’ll never find a place!” 3. The listing notes there are 20 pot lights in this unit. That’s important. Trust me.
1 bedroom, 1 bathroom condo on the 12th floor. $720.00 maintenance! Awesome! This ONE BATHROOM ONE BEDROOM CONDO is reasonably priced at only almost $700,000.00. Super quick, how much is this per month with the 25% down that you don’t have? Only $3,600! It’s a steal!
I love the listing though, I love it!! Again with the pot lights bullshit. Seriously, current home owners, if you want to make a lot of money on your property, just install pot lights and you can up the price to basically any amount you want. More highlights: “Rainforest shower heads” and “Walk to Harbour 60 steakhouse”.
Whenever I do end up buying a house, I will make note to ensure my Realtor properly details and documents for me the proximity to every steakhouse in the area, otherwise the deal is off.
Here’s the perfect starter home for a new family, or first time buyer. A small 3 bedroom townhouse, so you think if housing is too expensive just move into a townhouse until it’s time to upgrade. Except, the small starter 3 bedroom townhouse is already 1.1 million dollars. Perfect example of a house I would buy but can’t because I didn’t get a pre-approved for a million dollars, nor can I afford a million dollars, nor would I want to pay a million dollars for a townhouse.
Who IS getting approved for a million dollars? What does your yearly income have to be? … Okay, I calculated it so you don’t have to! (scroll to the bottom if you don’t care for details, but I’d rather you did care):
To buy this house you need min 20% down which is $220k, which makes your mortgage $4,405 a month (880k mortgage), plus property taxes, so your’e looking at around $4,700 a month just on mortgage/taxes (not including food, bills, car, daycare, whatever else you spend on). Using the CMHC’s affordability calculator, I’ve calculated that to get an $880k mortgage, you need a yearly income of $192,000.00. This also assumes you aren’t paying the CMHC fee and you do have $220k down, which you probably don’t.
I’ll take the more likely scenario that a lot of people who email me on this blog are in. I’ve seen from a lot of people that they have 100k down if they’re lucky… so with that calculation, this house is over 5k a month, and now you have to pay a 25k penalty fee to CMHC.
This also doesn’t take into account what happens when interest rates rise, or you need a new car, or any other monthly expenses you have, once I add that in the calculator goes up for how much you need to make per year to get this mortgage. And what happens if one of you loses a job, or switches careers, or has another kid, or any multitude of life changing events occur?
Are young professionals just starting out, who want to buy a small townhouse already making $192k a year? I’m not jealous, I’m impressed, that’s amazing. Even if this is double income, that’s still $96k each a year if you divide it evenly between the two of you. I can’t imagine a scenario where the average home buyer couple are each making $96k a year. Okay, I looked it up again! I can’t find current stats, but in 2006 the median HOUSEHOLD income was $92k. Just shy of one half of what it takes to get approved for this perfect starter home. So I assume this has risen by now, but there’s no way it’s risen to $196k for median total household income.
(You didn’t want to read all that? Just read this): If you don’t make $200k a year, you can’t buy this house. And if you do make $200k a year, you can *barely* afford this house.
Btw, look at that couch in the bedroom facing the bed. Not at all awkward.
I think the submitter of this listing said it best: “If that last line wasn’t meant for you, I don’t know what is…”
There’s nothing I can write here that’s going to be better than the actual listing itself. So, here’s the listing below. The more I read it the more it looks like someone is tweeting it. I guess there’s a character count for MLS, very professional.
"Location! Location! Location! Classic Victorian Home. Located On Desirable Quiet Street. Close To Hospital, University, Ttc & More. Main Level Has Living Room W/ Fireplace, One Br, 4Pc Wr, Kitchen W/ Dbl Sink, And W/O To Bkyard W/ Detached Garage. 2nd Floor Has 1 Br, Living Room, Kitchen, 3rd Floor Has 2 Br, 3Pc Ensuite Bath. Bsmt Is Full With Br, Bathroom, Good Size Room And W/O To Bkyard. Bsmt Will Require Some Finishing Touches For Great Income Potential **** EXTRAS **** *Good Size Rec Room* New Hot Water Tank (2010) Hardwood FloorsThroughout (No Carpet). Gas Furnace (Upgraded). 1973 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme In The Garage Is Negotiable With Purchase.”
I wonder if you have to pay over and above the 1.2 million dollars if do want to keep the Cutlass Supreme?
This was a wonderfully amazing submission sent in by one of our readers… I couldn’t wait to post it!
$800,000.00 and almost 600 bucks a month maintenance for “2 bedrooms”… 2 bedrooms means one tiny bedroom and probably a small den if you’re lucky. AND it’s in Distillery District… since when can that area command this type of money?! Like, okay totally my opinion that I know I’m gonna get shit on for, but Distillery District is a great place to hang out sometimes and visit, however I don’t think it offers *that* much value to actually live in… does it?
You do have a Fresh and Wild (a grocery store where an apple cost me $2.39 one time) right at your door though. So I’m assuming this condo caters to people who just don’t give a shit about money.
Assuming you have the minimum allowed 25% down payment of $200,000.00, which I know you don’t… this property carries for $2,845.00 a month, plus the $600.00 maintenance, and property taxes. So you’re looking at about $3,700.00 a month to own this. And I didn’t even calculate the CMHC Penalty fee that I KNOW you’re going to have to pay, plus the land transfer tax of $25,000. PLUS 2 bucks per apple, if you’re into that…
3 bedroom, 3 bathroom TOWNHOUSE (again!), in Markham! Almost $800k. This small townhouse is totally a first time buyer’s home also, eh?
If a Realtor tells you that if you can’t afford to buy in Toronto as a first time buyer, and you just need to get into the market so maybe look at a small townhouse in the suburbs… tell them they are incorrect, once again.
Here’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom TOWNHOUSE in Etobicoke for over half a million dollars. The agent doesn’t say how much maintenance is, but let’s assume $150 bucks a month, just for fun - which is awesome that you have to pay that plus your mortgage. Whatever.
Side note: I also saw another townhouse today that I was going to post that boasted “free garbage pickup!”, seriously…
The Realtor notes that the exterior has been recently caulked, and there’s an invisible screen on the front door. Magical. WHY ARE THESE SELLING POINTS??
Second question, why are you paying over a half a million dollars for a 2 bedroom townhouse in Etobicoke?
Recent upgrades to this tiny bungalow (that has no photos) include finished basement. Dear potential buyer: I hope you enjoy paying $500,000.00 for a finished basement since that’s the upgrade that they’re throwing at you to justify this. I bet this house reeks of pot lights all over the place.
This is the perfect example of a listing that stresses me out, because it’s such a cute little house that a first time buyer might want to buy, but it’s A MILLION DOLLARS.
OMG I just saw that it doesn’t even come with a dishwasher. As if… like, i’m paying you a million dollars for your old tiny house, you can’t even give me a dishwasher??
Aaand, here’s a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom super tiny condo at Yonge and College for almost $600,000.00!! After looking at so many listings, it appears to me that adding pot lights to your house or condo ups the value about $100,000.00. And when I say value, I obviously don’t really mean value.